


Toxic

by handaramjwisung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Jealousy, M/M, chan is a dad lol, i was just projecting my sadness onto my poor baby squirrel, im sorry minho is an ass i love him i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 01:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16440182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handaramjwisung/pseuds/handaramjwisung
Summary: jisung gets jealous





	Toxic

**Author's Note:**

> oof I'm sad so this was born. I literally cried halfway bc a whole thing of the story disappeared and I had to rewrite it

Jisung could not tear his eyes away from the older boy. Minho was beautiful. The older boy was alike a rose, fragrant and breathtakingly elegant. When he dances Jisung is reminded of the grace of which a rose blooms, petals stretching out and bending. Jisung was bewitched from the start. And Jisung had followed him around like a love-sick puppy ever since. The older boy seemed almost untouchable, he was everyone's favourite Jisung could never have imagined that Minho would reciprocate his feelings. But on that one summer day, Jisung's fingers sticky with the saccharine sweet juice of the tangerine, Minho had never looked prettier in the soft orange glow of the sunset as he whispered "Jisung-ah I like you."

Jisung remembers whispering back, albeit shyly "I like you too. I have for the longest time." He remembers linking their sticky fingers together and resting his head against Minho's shoulder contentedly. In that moment, he was euphoric.

Too caught up in the whirlwind of the pinkish tones and cloying sweetness of first love, Jisung forgets. He forgets that roses have thorns, razor-sharp and unforgiving.

The bitter taste of acid fills Jisung's mouth as he stares unwaveringly at Minho wrapping his arms around Hyunjin and coddling him affectionately completely ignoring the bright colours flashing across the television screen. Jisung admits begrudgingly, it was not an uncommon sight in the dorm to see the members exchanging touches. Everyone was open to skinship almost to the point that it would be peculiar to those who were not acquainted with them. However, it was family to Jisung.

Jisung doesn't remember when a monster named jealousy became rooted in his heart, rearing its grotesque green head around. Perhaps it was when the fleeting touches Minho often left on his skin abruptly ceased both on camera and off. Perhaps it was when Minho began missing their pre-planned dates. Excuses streaming from his mouth like a waterfall, Jisung nodding wordlessly every single time. Holing himself up in his room. The next day, Minho would flash him the brightest smile, almost like nothing had happened. Jisung falls for the boy all over again as his honeyed words make their way to his ears, infiltrating his heat and removing all bad notions he had about Minho almost as if the older boy was a siren.

But this time Jisung was determined. 

"Minho hyung? Can we talk?" Jisung asks, wincing at the sound of his voice cracking. Jisung's resolve crumbles as Minho sent him an icy glare, clearly unwilling to extract himself from his position on the couch-now with his arm slung around Woojin's neck, Jisung notes. Jisung teeth finds home in his bottom lip. It was the third time today that Minho ignored his request. Jisung couldn't help but feel unwanted. As if his opinion meant nothing to the person who was his everything.

Jisung promptly turns on his heel and all but runs to the only place he can find solace nowadays. Jisung hears the youngest inquire "What's wrong with Jisung hyung?" an all but too familiar chuckle follows. "He's being a moody bitch as per usual." Laughter from the entire posse on the couch erupted and Jisung feels his heart sink in his chest. Jisung yanks open the door. 

Jisung decides that he hates the colour green.

\--

Upon, hearing the door fling open, Chan was ready to give the person a piece of his mind. He had had a sudden stroke of genius and was compelled not to waste it, noting down ideas ignoring the ache in his fingers. But Jisung appeared so tiny and helpless, quivering like a leaf in the rain, as he stood at the frame of the door of Chan's bedroom. The feelings of anger in his chest dwindled rapidly, replaced by an overwhelming need to protect the smaller boy. He motions for the younger boy to join him on the bed and a flash of yellow speeds across the room, and in a mere second Chan has an armful of Han Jisung shaking in his hold. Jisung's blonde hair tickles his chin from where the boy is nestled. _Perhaps the poor boy had just had a bad day. We have been really busy with our schedule._ Chan wonders as he rubs Jisung's back. Up and Down. Up and Down. Strangely, the younger boy did not seem the least bit calmer.

Chan rightfully panics when he feels a wetness forming on his hoodie. He pulls the younger boy away from his chest to and his suspicions were confirmed. The boy's eyes were rimmed with red and tears were pouring onto his rounded cheeks, shimmering in the moonlight like tiny crystals. The younger's wide eyes used to seem like they could hold entire galaxies, an aura of youth and innocence radiating from them. Now the younger boy just looked broken. Chan starts gently, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Jisung shakes his head stubbornly, his hiccuping worsening. Chan's eyes immediately goes wide and he murmurs apologises repeatedly, pressing soothing kisses onto the younger boys head reminiscent of his mother doing the same to him when he was younger. Soon enough the younger boy drifts off to sleep, eyes heavy from crying so much. Chan cradles the boy in his arms carefully a stark contrast to how his mind races wildly. Chan felt as if he were on a rickety boat with no oars and only miles of cerulean blue stretching out around him. He could do nothing to help the stubborn blonde boy. It was as if he was facing the eliminations all over again, helpless as he saw his precious members being stolen from him. It was unfair really. And glancing down at the tiny boy in his arms, Chan refuses to lose him too. Stray Kids could not afford to do that. He could not afford to lose his family again. 

Chan sighs. His eyes search for the clock on the opposite end of the room, the numbers 01:52 casting a ghastly green glow onto Chan's goku figurines. Chan closes his eyes, welcoming the tiredness that overtook his body for the first time in a while.

\--

Jisung wakes up encased by warmth and he feels content. Still not quite awake, Jisung dazedly nuzzles against the warm body and presses his lips against the soft skin of the person's neck out of habit. The person's chest rumbles in quiet laughter, "I'm not Minho, Jisung-ah." 

At the mention of his name, Jisung is immediately alert and he scrambles away wildly from the person before landing painfully on the floor. He groans in pain, rubbing at his hipbone which was most likely sporting a blueish-black hue. At least the physical pain was better than him possibly threatening his and Minho's already fragile relationship.

Jisung looks up at Chan, the older boy's hair a tangled mess of curls and his face puffy from sleep. The only thing ruining the moment was the worry etched onto his face. Jisung hated it. He hated being a burden to others. Guilt seeps deep into his bones and it must have shown on his face as well. 

"Please talk to me Jisung," Chan begs, clasping his hands in his bigger ones, sincerity bleeding through. 

Jisung lets his walls crumble. It was as if a tidal wave of emotions had washed over Jisung and was spilling over as words flowed from his mouth. The emotions that Jisung had suppressed for so long flowed out almost too easily in the presence of the older boy. 

Jisung felt exposed and laid bare in front of the older boy as the icky dark feelings Jisung had bubbled to the surface. Jisung feels like he is drowning under it. But Chan's firm grip anchors him. 

"It's all my fault. If only I was less jealous. I should be more understanding," Jisung feels mentally drained. Facing his true feelings took more out of him than expected.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Chan asks carefully. Jisung nods eagerly. He is sure that both of them know how much Chan's opinion means to him. He is the most rational person Jisung knows and Jisung trust the boy with his life, him being the leader and mixed a bit with the hero worship he still retains for the boy from their trainee days. 

"Personally I feel like all of this," Chan gestures vaguely between himself and Jisung, "should be told to Minho. And if he refuses to understand he doesn't deserve you or your time."

Jisung stills. If he had known Chan would have been so blunt perhaps his opinion was irrelevant after all. The idea of them breaking up was preposterous. The green in his chest lashed out _He is mine!!_ Jisung squeezed his eyes shut tightly, fingers plugging his ears. He no longer wants to be a slave to the green monster. 

Jisung's head spins. He loves Minho and Minho loves him. Right? 

Jisung tries to pull his lips up into a reassuring smile, promising Chan he'll be back. He ignores the doubtful look on the older boy's face and scrambles to get up. 

Jisung's legs feel weak as he walks shakily into the bathroom. His head is spinning. Decisions. Decisions. He splashes biting cold water onto his face. His grip on the sides of the sink tightened, the question burning itself into the back of his eyelids. _Does Minho even love him?_

Jisung's eyes fly open in shock as a harsh grip on his shoulders spins him around, colliding painfully into the wall behind him. Jisung's curse of "what the fuck" gets cut off by his head slamming into the wall behind him. Jisung groans in pain, the back of his head throbbing.

Jisung was not expecting a furious Minho in front of him. This was a change, Minho had never done this after a bout of ignoring him. Strangely, Jisung did not feel happy at the sight of the older boy finally acknowledging his presence. He felt...empty. 

Minho's face was flushed, his jaw tense, red teeming out of his every action, scarlet splattered across the bathroom as he shook Jisung, screaming at him, "You fucking slut. Tell me, did you have fun with Chan last night. You two seem awfully close, cuddling like he's the one who's your boyfriend."

Jisung's head lolls limply to the side, he did not have enough energy to put up with this anymore. Normally, both of them would be screaming by now, profanities, insults and love confessions tangling together that seemingly only Minho understood. Jisung was tired. 

"Please stop, you're hurting me." Minho scoffs but releases his bruising grip on his shoulders anyways. 

Jisung searches Minho's eyes for any lasting shred of affection. He sees nothing but swirls of anger and red red red. He's dizzy. Memories of the past few months flash through Jisung's mind.

_Minho links arms with Jeongin, ignoring Jisung the entire walk back to the dorms. Jisung trails forlornly behind them, biting back the bitter taste in his mouth as the pair giggled happily_

//

_Jisung checks the time on his phone repeatedly as he fiddles with his glass. A waitress comes up to him and says regretfully, "I'm sorry sir. It's already our closing time."_

_Jisung's cheeks burn in humiliation under his face mask as he saw pity flash across the waitresses' face, eyeing the bouquet of flowers sadly._

_The flowers end up in the bin._

Maybe Chan was right. 

"Why is it okay for you to be jealous when I am close to other people. But when I am jealous you dismiss it, even though you do it on purpose,. You're so selfish" Jisung holds up his hand, silencing Minho's protests. "I'm done with your games Lee Minho."

"Maybe we should take a break from each other."Jisung inhales sharply, surprised that the words actually came out of his mouth. 

Minho's demeanour changed in an instant. "Please baby, I'm so sorry. I was stupid and selfish. Please don't leave me," the older boy begs, twisting the sword that was already lodged deep into Jisung's heart. 

"I love you," the older boy proclaims, a cherry on top of his dessert of sweet nothings and lies. 

"You don't love me. You're only in love with the idea of me. Perhaps someday in the future, you'll love me back too," Jisung cups the older boy's face in his hands. "I'll wait for you," Jisung whispers, a bittersweet smile on his face as he presses a fleeting kiss to the corner of Minho's red lips before pulling away and walking out of the bathroom. 

It takes all the willpower in his body for him not to turn around and run back into Minho's strong arms, no matter how heart wrenching his sobs sounded. Jisung fights back the ugly sob threatening to escape. It was for the best right? 

After all, green and red never mixed to form a pretty colour.

**Author's Note:**

> leave some comments and drop some kudos pleasee they really make my day uwu


End file.
